Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
