no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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