you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ugly people sure do ruin things
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
