u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
