My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
