I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
