i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
