What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
