So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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