I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
