Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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