I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
