the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
