Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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