I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
