Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
