I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Randomize
