I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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