Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
