i may or may not be watching the land before time
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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