A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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