Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
