So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
two words...techno handjob
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
