Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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