Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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