I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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