: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
