Your tits are I can't wait for
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
