I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
