Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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