Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
