The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
