do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
