I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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