So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
