So drunk its hurt
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
