youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
