he puts the penis in happiness.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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