just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
