All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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