Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize