its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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