Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
