come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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