I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
