But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We smell like vodka and hangover
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