Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
