there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
