What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
