Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You dont lie about slip and slides
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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