I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
