I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i came on her dog
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
