Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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