my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think your dad took our porno
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
