I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
