Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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