Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize