I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
