Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
