what day is it and did you see me today?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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