There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Holy sore nipples Batman
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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