So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
