I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
