This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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