Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
