Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
