I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
